This will be my outlet for the next 365 days. I guess you could say i am running a social experiment.
I am getting nervous. I have a very detailed operation planned to get my kids back Sunday. I keep checking and checking again to make sure I am ready for them to come home. I feel like I have not seen them in a year! I am so worried that I am not going to … Continue reading Nervous
I have not had a full blown panic attack for more than a week now. I sure have been pretty close many times though. Not having my kids is starting to really get to me. It has been 3 weeks and 1 day. My dog Robert Lee reminds me of my baby girl because she … Continue reading sadness
God has saved me and saves me daily. Press on.
So here I am, feeling like a failure. No job, lost my kids... I sit and smoke cigarettes back to back, sick, shaking, trying to fill my time so I do not go insane. My whole day consists of trying not to panic.
You know, I wish I could stop caring so much about man and what man expects of me. I want to care more about what God thinks of me. I guess it is part of my sinful nature. It is so frustrating. I have so many thoughts going through my mind. I have been drinking tonight, (first time in several months) and I feel guilty about it.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 I have heard this so many times growing up, that I have it memorized and can recite it in my sleep. I have never … Continue reading
I am: Fearful, a failure, worried, a smoker, unhealthy, sinful, bisexual, selfish, depressed, anxious, hardheaded, mean, judgmental, unsure, tired, sick, I want to be: pure, confident, a servant, healthy, loving, understanding, successful, trustworthy, independent, strong, joyful, hardworking, energetic, a non smoker, a good mother, safe, secure, selfless, determined, consistent, and alive. How do I … Continue reading I am vs. I want to be